Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in Matt's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 11th, 2001
12:00 am	hey Wow, it's been awhile. I'm here at UMF, my college in Maine. I've been here for about a couple of weeks, doing the RA training, then classes started, so I'm doing all that now. I worked at home for the two weeks after UB ended. It was nice, and a lot of fun. Classes are going okay. I really like my Abnornal Psych Dr. Jacobs, he seems like a really neat teacher and great guy, that class should be fun. I'm getting ready to run again for Senate and be the treaurer for CRC, and do the Student Admissions Club thing, and the RA job is in full swing. I alos picked up a job at Aramark to pay for Grad school stuff (like trips or fees and other stuff). I have to e-mail my parents. They're really cool. My brother is in at UMO, doing his first year there. I think my paretns are now just kind of stepping back and seeing what is out there. My youngest borhter just started high school, so things are changing for him and my folks. I guess that is it for now. Well, no I'm lying. I wish that was the end, but it's not. I mean, I got this website page to tell my feelings and here they are. A friend of mine died last night. She was so awesome and smart and funny. It's not fair that she had to go so soon. I just went to a celebration of life on Sunday to comfort another good friend who suffered a lose. Now, it's different. I've never had a friend die before. I've never had a family member die beofre. I've been truly lucky to have that not happen. Now, things are different. People die everyday, every minute. My minutes to see people pass away are now coming full speed. It's gonna take a lot to get through it. WEll, I have to go to class tomorrow. Without Katie. I feel drained. I hope tomorrow is better. It better be sunny. Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: Foo Fighters - Walk In After Me (Comment on this)
Monday, September 10th, 2001
11:58 pm	Hey Wow, it's been awhile. I'm here at UMF, my college in Maine. I've been here for about a couple of weeks, doing the RA training, then classes started, so I'm doing all that now. I worked at home for the two weeks after UB ended. It was nice, and a lot of fun. Classes are going okay. I really like my Abnornal Psych Dr. Jacobs, he seems like a really neat teacher and great guy, that class should be fun. I'm getting ready to run again for Senate and be the treaurer for CRC, and do the Student Admissions Club thing, and the RA job is in full swing. I alos picked up a job at Aramark to pay for Grad school stuff (like trips or fees and other stuff). I have to e-mail my parents. They're really cool. My brother is in at UMO, doing his first year there. I think my paretns are now just kind of stepping back and seeing what is out there. My youngest borhter just started high school, so things are changing for him and my folks. I guess that is it for now. Well, no I'm lying. I wish that was the end, but it's not. I mean, I got this website page to tell my feelings and here they are. A friend of mine died last night. She was so awesome and smart and funny. It's not fair that she had to go so soon. I just went to a celebration of life on Sunday to comfort another good friend who suffered a lose. Now, it's different. I've never had a friend die before. I've never had a family member die beofre. I've been truly lucky to have that not happen. Now, things are different. People die everyday, every minute. My minutes to see people pass away are now coming full speed. It's gonna take a lot to get through it. WEll, I have to go to class tomorrow. Without Katie. I feel drained. I hope tomorrow is better. It better be sunny. (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 12th, 2001
10:29 pm	Hey, Wow, I haven't done anything with this for like weeks. That day in Boston was great. It started off yucky since someone on the other bus threw up, but it ended great. Jen and I were together all day, getting through the Boston crowds. THe only thing was, Jen was not the girl I wanted to be with all day long in Boston, and I wasn't the guy. We both wanted our better halves. But, we made the best with what we had. The last week went great. Had a lot of fun and took a lot of pictures of the kids. Kind of sad on the last day, saying good bye to all of those kids. Some of them I won't see again, but will try and stay in touch with. Such a tough job. But, things are ok now. The job ended and it was, as I look back at the summer, a good one. Some problems, but nothing that I can't handle. Now, in the present. I am home. I'm doing all kinds of work around the house. Pulling out big clumps of old thick woodsy plants. I feel like a gardener and it feels great. Gives me good practice when I get a house of my own someday. I like the jobs alot. I have some big plans for the yard of my parents, and so far what I've done looks really good. I think I'll take a picture when I'm all done with it. Show off my stuff. (haha). WEll, i think that is it. I'm seeing sarah on Wednesday. Going down and visiting her for a few days. It will be really nice. I saw her two weekends ago, she came up for the last day of UB, and it was great to see her. I love her so much. I miss her alot. These summers are really tough for us. But, it's good practice for when I go to grad school and I can't see her for months. :(. But, hey, the summer is almost over and it will feel great. I have some news about where I'm moving into come a week and a half, but I'll share that tomorrow. See you then. matt Current Mood: determined Current Music: Parts of a new song I heard called Superman! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
10:29 pm	Hey, Wow, I haven't done anything with this for like weeks. That day in Boston was great. It started off yucky since someone on the other bus threw up, but it ended great. Jen and I were together all day, getting through the Boston crowds. THe only thing was, Jen was not the girl I wanted to be with all day long in Boston, and I wasn't the guy. We both wanted our better halves. But, we made the best with what we had. The last week went great. Had a lot of fun and took a lot of pictures of the kids. Kind of sad on the last day, saying good bye to all of those kids. Some of them I won't see again, but will try and stay in touch with. Such a tough job. But, things are ok now. The job ended and it was, as I look back at the summer, a good one. Some problems, but nothing that I can't handle. Now, in the present. I am home. I'm doing all kinds of work around the house. Pulling out big clumps of old thick woodsy plants. I feel like a gardener and it feels great. Gives me good practice when I get a house of my own someday. I like the jobs alot. I have some big plans for the yard of my parents, and so far what I've done looks really good. I think I'll take a picture when I'm all done with it. Show off my stuff. (haha). WEll, i think that is it. I'm seeing sarah on Wednesday. Going down and visiting her for a few days. It will be really nice. I saw her two weekends ago, she came up for the last day of UB, and it was great to see her. I love her so much. I miss her alot. These summers are really tough for us. But, it's good practice for when I go to grad school and I can't see her for months. :(. But, hey, the summer is almost over and it will feel great. I have some news about where I'm moving into come a week and a half, but I'll share that tomorrow. See you then. matt Current Mood: determined Current Music: Parts of a new song I heard called Superman! (Comment on this)
10:29 pm	Hey, Wow, I haven't done anything with this for like weeks. That day in Boston was great. It started off yucky since someone on the other bus threw up, but it ended great. Jen and I were together all day, getting through the Boston crowds. THe only thing was, Jen was not the girl I wanted to be with all day long in Boston, and I wasn't the guy. We both wanted our better halves. But, we made the best with what we had. The last week went great. Had a lot of fun and took a lot of pictures of the kids. Kind of sad on the last day, saying good bye to all of those kids. Some of them I won't see again, but will try and stay in touch with. Such a tough job. But, things are ok now. The job ended and it was, as I look back at the summer, a good one. Some problems, but nothing that I can't handle. Now, in the present. I am home. I'm doing all kinds of work around the house. Pulling out big clumps of old thick woodsy plants. I feel like a gardener and it feels great. Gives me good practice when I get a house of my own someday. I like the jobs alot. I have some big plans for the yard of my parents, and so far what I've done looks really good. I think I'll take a picture when I'm all done with it. Show off my stuff. (haha). WEll, i think that is it. I'm seeing sarah on Wednesday. Going down and visiting her for a few days. It will be really nice. I saw her two weekends ago, she came up for the last day of UB, and it was great to see her. I love her so much. I miss her alot. These summers are really tough for us. But, it's good practice for when I go to grad school and I can't see her for months. :(. But, hey, the summer is almost over and it will feel great. I have some news about where I'm moving into come a week and a half, but I'll share that tomorrow. See you then. matt Current Mood: determined Current Music: Parts of a new song I heard called Superman! (Comment on this)
10:29 pm	Hey, Wow, I haven't done anything with this for like weeks. That day in Boston was great. It started off yucky since someone on the other bus threw up, but it ended great. Jen and I were together all day, getting through the Boston crowds. THe only thing was, Jen was not the girl I wanted to be with all day long in Boston, and I wasn't the guy. We both wanted our better halves. But, we made the best with what we had. The last week went great. Had a lot of fun and took a lot of pictures of the kids. Kind of sad on the last day, saying good bye to all of those kids. Some of them I won't see again, but will try and stay in touch with. Such a tough job. But, things are ok now. The job ended and it was, as I look back at the summer, a good one. Some problems, but nothing that I can't handle. Now, in the present. I am home. I'm doing all kinds of work around the house. Pulling out big clumps of old thick woodsy plants. I feel like a gardener and it feels great. Gives me good practice when I get a house of my own someday. I like the jobs alot. I have some big plans for the yard of my parents, and so far what I've done looks really good. I think I'll take a picture when I'm all done with it. Show off my stuff. (haha). WEll, i think that is it. I'm seeing sarah on Wednesday. Going down and visiting her for a few days. It will be really nice. I saw her two weekends ago, she came up for the last day of UB, and it was great to see her. I love her so much. I miss her alot. These summers are really tough for us. But, it's good practice for when I go to grad school and I can't see her for months. :(. But, hey, the summer is almost over and it will feel great. I have some news about where I'm moving into come a week and a half, but I'll share that tomorrow. See you then. matt Current Mood: determined Current Music: Parts of a new song I heard called Superman! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 25th, 2001
9:00 pm	hey all, wow, what a tough day. A kid, who was one of the best kids in the program left today. I'm really sad about it, but I haven't had a chance to really think about it, becuase ever since lunch when I talked to him, I've been on. Planning a trip to boston and how fun that will be is being overshadowed by his leaving. I mean, this kid was just as fed up as I am, but he has the ability to leave, and I can't. I have to hold on for 10 more days. I'm not mad at him for leaving, just sad, he is a really good kid, and he is the biggest helper in the world. And he felt like everyday he could trust me, I'm just upset and haven't had time to deal with anything. This sucks a lot. Maybe everything will be cool in like a couple days when we are in Boston. That would be okay in my book. See you. :\ Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Monday, July 23rd, 2001
2:18 pm	it's my day off and I have nothing to do Hey My day off is here. And I have nothing. I have a lot to think about, but I have to have a conversation with my parents. I'm kind of nervous about that. I mean, I have to talk to them about my relationship with sarah, and my grad school possiblities for next year, and my car. It' really tough. And I want to go somewhere, like drive somewhere, but I'm a little nervous about riding in my car, but I'll have to drive it home. I just have a lot on my plate. I need some sort of help from my folks. They'll understand. I hope ;). I also have a pain over my eye. It hurts. I've taken drugs, water, caffinne. I think I need to rest. see you later matt Current Mood: confused Current Music: Family Ties Theme song (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 22nd, 2001
6:15 pm	why are people such jerks sometimes? How can I good teenage boy turn into a jerk in like 5 minutes? Hormones? Upbringing? I don't know. Why do people test others? Is it funny? I feel sometimes at UB that I am back at high school and I am the hall monitor everyone makes fun of. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
12:36 pm	Hi Sometimes I wish I had gone to a school like Bowdoin or Bates or Colby. Sometimes I wish that I was challenged to discuss in classrooms things I had read, things I had seen, and talk about them to the class. Sometimes, I get that at UMF and don't take advantage of it. There are thousands of great books out there, but have I taken advantage of them, no. There are thousands of converstaions that I could have about stories, but do I talk about them, no. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am wonderfully happy with UMF and where I am at, but I just wish I knew more about the college process or asked the questions I needed to ask to get the right feel for where I would spend my four years. And I could have transferred, but I stayed and created who I am from that. But, there are times where I just would say to myself, what if...? What if i asked people? What if I were more outgoing in high school? What if I didn't know for definite what I would do the rest of my life ), (like I supposedly know now, give me a break). I have to learn to take some risks, live a little. See what's out there. See where I can go. Maybe grad school next year, maybe not? What will I do in the mean time? Where do I go to pay my bills? Do I teach without a certificate? Do I grab a job for a RD w/o the master's and then get it later. How does my resume compare to others in the same position? Money? My car? My life? I have a lot of questions, who do I talk to? Am I ready? Can I go to the next step or do I have to go two steps back? Man. THis sucks. Life is tough. THis is the last year at UMF. I am happy and that's what counts right? Right. Let's see where this can go. I have to clean my room. It looks like a sty. And I have less than two weeks left before the kids leave. What is the point? THe point is that there are two weeks left. I have to find some scholarships out there for me. UMF Alumni scholarships didn't come throguh again this year. I mean, I oew $1200 for the year. That's it. I mean, you couldn't just give me a little? I do so much. Well, I should do that. Maybe I'll find a big one? Maybe :). See you when you get there. me Current Mood: calm Current Music: Bennington College Silo 57? (Comment on this)
Friday, July 20th, 2001
11:36 pm	just watched "Save the Last Dance". I've seen it before and yeah, it's a movie and not a film, but there is something fun about it. Just cute and fun about it. I like that movie. Family and Friends weekend starts tomorrow!!! Man, tough job making sure evything is alright for the parents with ony 19 boys in house. Big Dorm Cleanup is going to be a sticky thing tomorrow. I like being in charge for the weekend, I mean, I do it all my way. I say things I want, do the things for the kids, and take time for myself. I like that. There is a student here named Phil Smith. He is literally one of the funniest people I have ever met. One of the smartest too. There are a lot of kids like that here. Ben, Derrick, Megan, Michelle, Steve. Everyone is a great kid and they all can do great things, but they just have to be motivated. I mean, I am jealous that I couldn't have been in the position they are in at UB. We offere them everything, every advantage that we can think of, we give it to the kids. Throughout the year it's great like that. It's amazing what this program can do for these kids, Some of them blow it out the window, but enough of them love it and that makes my job easy, care free and still loving it after all the crap goes out the door. These kids are amazing, they have abilities they would have nver realized if it wasn't for Upward Bound. It's an amazing feeling to make a difference. I love it. Good night all. Talk to you tomorrow. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: J. Giels Band- I must Have Got Lost (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 19th, 2001
11:59 pm	hey all ready for bed. I sent sarah a card today. hope she lieks it. I talked to her on the phone too, but she seemed really upset or sad or maybe she was just tired. I don;t know. I really miss her, but the count down is on until I see her again. 1 month and 7 days. So, five weeks. That is also the amount of time left in the summer for all you staff members out there for res life for UMF. Yikes!! I'm having a very interesting converstaion with a girl about religion. Interesting. I'm not big into it, i don't practice it, but I mean, I'm still a good person. Well,signed off. I'm getting tired. maybe tomorrow will be a less stressful day. would be really nice. let's hope for the best. Talk to you later matt out Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
2:15 pm	wow, today sucks. I just found out that on the biggest weekend of the year, I'm losing another staff person becuase they have to go on a college trip. This staff member was asked and took it today, and I didn't find out about it except through the grapevine. So goes the life of a UB RD. I'm just frustrated. GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! but i did get a package today in the mail. So that's cool. I don't write well, so for free I ordered a computer tutor for that. So, that should help. Why on people's days off are people the least likely to help out with any favors you aks of them? Is it becuase they are on their day off? Or becuase we don't work per hour and are salaried so they are getting paid for their day off? I mean, the day isn;t going to end by the time they do this one little favor, and forever they will never get a day off again. So, why not help out for a bit? Grrrr.... I miss sarah. I missed talking to her last night becuase I had fifty million key cards in my pocket and couldn't get mine fast enough. It was like that part in movies that you just miss the phone or the message. I made me chuckle. I think that; it for now. It's good to get some stuff out. I think I'll take a wlak now. See you Current Mood: rushed Current Music: Heuy Lewis and the News-Power of Love (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 18th, 2001
12:13 am	Hey all Kind of tired so just go throguh the highlights. Talked to sarah last night. That was good, but i haven't talked to her in so long that it was just complaint after complaint today. But then she paged me today and just said she loved me and that she just wanted to say 'hi' and it was was the cutest thing in the world. So happy. Then I had some meetings. Then the ugly TA contest happened. And it did just that, it happened. And I happened to be dressed as the 3rd uglist TA (even though I'm a RD i needed to help out one of my TAs). It was a lot of fun. I'll have to show pictures when they all get devloped. Now I'm headed to bed. Good night. Thanks for listening. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: animals-house of the rising sun (Comment on this)
Monday, July 16th, 2001
8:08 pm	just telling you my mood Current Mood: grumpy Current Music: St. Lunatics (rap from Nelly) (Comment on this)
7:05 pm	Hey, another good day Hey Things went well again today. I got up at 6:00 to do wake up, go to breakfast, and then had to work a little this morning about staff stuff for the UB RD job. One of the jobs was to get vans from the sercurity office. This is such a dilemma everytime I need one from Bowdoin. I mean, I have to have so many people sign papers, and they check my license and then I have to go get the vans. The vans aren't all in one place as they are at UMF, no they are a half a mile down the road, so I have to drive to get a van to drive it back, strange? yes. Waste of time and gas? yeah. Whatever. Then Jen and the Big # (my bosses) all got together to talk about programming for the kids for this week becuase there is no TA time, but instead speakers, games, and other things are going on. From that conversation, came up a little frustration on my part becuase (long story) but I had to lock down my kitchen becuase it was awfully dirty, well, to do that means that we can't have milk breaks in there and for some reason we had to split the milkbreaks for tonight. I was just getting so frustrated becuase I had locked the kitchen for a reason and they all wanted me to back down on what I was doing for my guys. Granted it had been a week that it had been locked down, but it was less cleaning at night. I got frustrated becuase Jen was giving me all these other options on what to do, and she orastrated the meeting, and just little things that kind of piss me off. Like, she says all the right things, and there is no place for me to talk as I feel an equal should be able to, but for Jen she just does it all. I guess that is what has really bothered me this entire summer. I try and direct something and she is there to do better at it. She'll explain it better or she will just do it herself. Denise, the Bridge program RD, explained it to me like Jen has this diamond. This is a diamond that she has been pining for since she realized what her dreams would be. "Excavating" it through college and finally, now that she is graduated, the diamond is out and she wants everyone to see it. She shows it off my directing things for the Big 3 like getting to UB two weeks early and working or directing weekend programming, just strutting around like she knows all the answers. I mean, this is how I am looking at it. She might not realize or maybe I'm just being a little paranoid that the kids and the staff won't respect me as much as they have her. But then there are times when it is just Jen and I talking like we did last summer that helped us get through the whole thing as a team. But then she'll turn around and direct something or conduct a meeting like I am a part of her staff at the Residence Hall she will work for someday. It just annoys me becuase I want the say the same things, but it just comes out easier for her. I mean, if I had the choice of directing a meeting or having help from my team (like our staff is supposed to work like), then I would go to the team. I'll wait a bit before i direct everything. It makes me look bossy and in charge, and I just want to relate to them, have them trust me as an equal and not just soley as their boss. I think I have to continue to learn that ditiction. Well, after that meeting, we went to community meeting. This is the best meeting of the day. The kids are in charge and they direct us for a change. I have a list everyday of 5 happy things and I list those off in between the other annoncements i have for everyone. Today my list was tiki lights, cleaver invitations, thick moss, ripe plums, and different methods of eating ice-cream sandwiches. Just a little happiness for the day. And then I talked about politness. Saying sorry, thanks, please, just little things that can respect others. Then I left for me day off. My mom picked me up becuase my car is dumb. Three weeks ago, the front wheel almost fell off. Stupid car. But, my dad drove it and says it is fine. So, I just have to fix the breaks, and then it should work just fine. It has done a lot for me, tow good solid years. Well, not soild, like I worry about it for every little thing. But, it gets me around. Just needs a tune-up. I cam home, watched tv, started my laundry, and now I'm here. No big plans for the night, sitting in, maybe talking to sarah sometime. I haven't talked to her all weekend. SHe got a little vacation time and with her family went to North Carolina. I miss her a lot. This summers are really rough. I mean, at UMF I see her everyday, but here, at home, she's a long ways away, doing her things, and I talk to her, but it's just not enough. And I've already had my weekend off, so I won't see her anytime soon. Maybe in like a month. But, that is a long time. Well, I think I should go over some of my grad school stuff. I'm excited for that. I really just have to get my stuff together. And save some money for traveling. Might be expensive. But, thems the breaks to get ahead. Work at Aramark for the rest of the year? Yeah...as much as I hated it there, I have to do it in order to do all I want to accomplish. Oh well. Take care and I'll probably check in later. out. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
12:26 am	Hey all. End of the day here at wonderful Bowdoin. I had a great day. Got some cleaning done for my bathroom, my room, and my common area. Swept, mopped, everything. I felt so "housewifey". So needed to myself. Cleaning also taught me a good lesson about doing far more reguarly. It was relaxing, but challenging. I had the day off, so that helped. The rest of the program went to Fort Williams. It was a good time I guess for them. Then people hung out for awhile and started to get ready for a play they were going to in Monmouth - Henry the 4 by Shakesphere. They invited me to come, but I decided against it becuase I liked the relaxed free time I was going to get off. After they left, Jen and I hung out and talked about some serious stuff, then walked downtown to Dunkin Donuts for some coffee and a bagel sandwich. But they didn't have bagels. I mean, why? If you advertise like crazy about being avaliable all the time with fresh things, why not have bagels? I felt so used for walking downtown to that establishment, that I should have walked out, but instead got a doughnut (the correct way of spelling it) and a ice coffee. The coffee was excellent as ever, but the doughnut weighed like 5 ounces of pure fat. Tasted good, but weighed nearly nothing. Then Jen and I walked back, talking about the guy she is with now. He seems like a nice guy, very smart (Bowdoin student) and outdoorsy (like hikes). He seems like just the guy Jen has been searching for. Which was a very good thing. I'm very happy for her. And she gets to see her guy all the time, unlike me who has to wait another month to see my girlfriend Sarah. We talked about her too, sarah I mean. I talked about her and how happy I am with her. She really is the greatest thing who has ever happened to me. I think I had an axiety attack today. It was a little scary, literally. I mean, I was suddenly overcome by nervousness and dizziness. It was really strange. Maybe I'll check it out on webmd.com or something. Can't hurt. I watched the film Philadephia today. If you haven't seen it, see it. It's really good. I own it, ut never watched it. It was a good investment, thank goodness. And it was a film. Not a movie, a movie is Godzilla or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A film is Philadephia or Braveheart or Life is Beautiful. Those are films, movies are fun and exciting, films enrich the mind with thoguht provoking actions on the screen. I like both. I guess that is it for today. Comment on anything that you read here. Please, discussion is always a valid direction for conversation. And I want a conversation not a speech. Give me a point to think about. Good night!! Current Mood: curious Current Music: Beatles-Across the Universe (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 15th, 2001
8:18 am	Hey. It's like 8:20 in the morning. I just got up and I feel great. It's not really early, but not late, and i have nothing to do until 9:15 when I head to breakfast. So I'm doing the Mayberry thing to do, walking downtown to get a paper (New York Times) and a coffee. I feel so small townish. I really love Brunswick, a large town that still has its small town flavor that is sometimes left behind. When I walk on Maine Street, it feels like I walked back into time. It's just a quaint, little kid inside me wanting to run around in the park, or just hang out all day watching the cars drive by. I really like this journal, never had a jounral before. Never been able to write down my thoughts like this, feels good. Well, headed on out. Current Mood: awake Current Music: Ani (Comment on this)
1:22 am	Hey this is my first entry for this live journal. Hope it works. Just sitting here listening to a little bit of my MP3 collection after a tough night at Bowdoin. I'm working for their Upward Bound program for high school students. Iam the male residence hall director and it's a lot of fun. We do all kinds of events for these kids, and sometimes it feels like they don;t appreciate what we do for them, but it will in a few years when they all head up to college and are on their own. It's really a good feeling to have to really love a job like I do. Working with a lot of great college students as my TA's and House Managers and my good friend Jen who is RD for the female dorm. I really don't think I could get throguh a job like this without the suppoort that I get from my staff. THey are really awesome. Well, I think that's all for tonight, maybe something will happen and I'll tell you about it. Current Mood: happy Current Music: Fat Boy Slim (Comment on this)